How your attachment style impacts your business and your money

How your attachment style impacts your business and your income

Episode 9 of the Inside Out Entrepreneur® Podcast, dives into the psychology behind how you might be showing up in your business and how that might be impacting your income.

I talk about the 4 attachment styles (Secure, Anxious, Avoidance and Fearful/Disorganised) and briefly explain the main characteristics of each. I then go on to explain, for each attachment style, how your behaviour might change in your business and in terms of money and money blocks according to which is your dominant style.

This podcast also had a handy printable setting out the 4 attachment styles in a bit more detail and summarising key points of the podcast. You can get that printable here: https://suzibelmont.com/podcast9/

Tune in to find out more and don’t forget to hit the subscribe button so you get notified of future shows.

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Episode Summary

The 4 main attachment styles and how they impact how you might show up (or not) in your business.
How your attachment style impacts your money blocks and income.
Quick steps you can take depending on your personal attachment style (which you will be able to identify by listening to the episode).
How your attachment style came into existence.
How you can spot someone else's attachment style.

This podcast is perfect if you want to understand more about how YOU work and what is making you act in a certain way (or against how you'd like to be showing up in business). It is designed specifically for:

entrepreneurs looking to understand a little more of the psychology behind their business actions.
women looking to understand attachment and its impact on money.
those looking for better relationships.
female leaders looking to lead their team or themselves in a more effective way.

If you are looking for the Attachment Styles download, click the image below.

Attachment Styles from the Inside Out Entrepreneur Podcast, episode 9

Links mentioned in this podcast:

To get the free attachment download, visit: https://suzibelmont.com/podcast9/
To work 1:1 with Suzi, visit the application form on this page HERE.
For Suzi's mailing list, see the footer of this page (black section) for a general sign up to the mailing list form.

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Transcript of Episode 9 of the Inside Out Entrepreneur® Podcast

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Inside Out Entrepreneur Podcast. In this week's episode, I am talking about your attachment style and how it is impacting your business and your income. All right, buckle up, enjoy the ride. This is your time now. Okay, let's go. 
[00:00:17] Hi, I'm Suzi Belmont, a multiple seven figure entrepreneur with 15 years experience building and selling businesses, as well as being a psychology expert, qualified coach, and therapist. Think of this show as personal development for women like you who want to master your inner world in order to lead yourself to greater external success, whether that's in relationships, emotionally, in business, or financially.
[00:00:44] So, pull up your chair and get ready to change your life and your business from the inside out. This is the Inside Out Entrepreneur Podcast. 
[00:00:55] Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Inside Out Entrepreneur podcast with me, your host, Suzi Belmont.
[00:01:02] And today we are doing a little bit of a dive into the psychology behind how you might be showing up in your business and how that might be impacting your income and your money. Now, there is a lot I could say about showing up or not showing up in life or business. I have certainly experienced the times of showing up every single day for years on end and times of completely disappearing and then the in between times.
[00:01:26] I've also experienced times when I'm experimenting with different ways of showing up and different ways of doing things and I've kind of done a 360 on all of it and what I've really learned is that it's how you show up that really changes everything. And I'm not necessarily talking about how frequently you show up, how many times you show up, but actually who you're being when you show up.
[00:01:47] And again, I don't mean the content that you produce, what you're actually teaching, the how and so on, I mean what energetic frequency you are showing up with. Because this affects people, this connects or repels them, and so you [00:02:00] have to decide what your intention is. And how intentional bull, that's not a word, but intentional bull, you're going to be about this.
[00:02:08] Whilst thinking about that, today, I specifically want to dive into something that will have an impact on how you show up, how you do business, how you do life. And I'm going to talk about your attachment style, because this plays such a huge role in your life, your relationships, your business, your money, and so on.
[00:02:24] And in particular, in times of stress, the effect of your attachment style or styles could be more apparent. And as entrepreneurship To bring about a fair amount of stress at times. I thought this would be a really good topic to talk about this week. Now, I want to be really clear here, right at the get go, that just because you have a certain attachment style does not mean it's fixed for life.
[00:02:45] It's not like a part of you that you can never change. You can change your attachment style. So don't panic if you recognise yourself in some of the things I'm talking about today, and you're like, eek, that's not kind of how I want it to be and I didn't realise, and you are in a place where you're like, okay, I need to work on this.
[00:03:00] You can work on this and you can change things. As I always say, and the reason behind why I put so much free content out in my podcast, awareness is the very first step. So, enjoy the show today knowing that knowledge and awareness is a good thing, because it empowers you to then take steps forward by choice.
[00:03:19] If you recognize attachment patterns today, you know that you can make a mental note of them and take them into consideration in what you do going forward in your life and business. And when I say take them into consideration, I don't mean give yourself grief, feel sorry for yourself, go into a plummeting descending of, oh my gosh, this is terrible, I can't do anything about this.
[00:03:37] That's not what I mean. I mean, compassionately understanding who you are and getting to know what some of your obstacles might be. Because, as I also always say, you are not broken in any way. You are not broken. There is nothing about you that needs fixing. I really hate the word fixing. You just need to learn to undo some of the social, environmental, relationship and [00:04:00] educational conditioning that might have changed or altered who you are at your core.
[00:04:04] And if that's changed during your life, it's about getting back to the true you, the true you at the core, the wonderful and full woman that you are and who you were born to be. Okay, that said, let's get on and start with what are attachment styles, because some of you won't know what I'm talking about.
[00:04:20] And attachment styles are frameworks that are heavily researched and rooted in psychology, and they describe and explain how you form emotional bonds and interact with other people. Everyone has an attachment style that is their dominant one and unless you've done work on this, your attachment style will have been created probably right at the very beginning of your life based on how you interacted and bonded with your primary caregiver at the time.
[00:04:45] So if you, just for a moment, imagine yourself as a young baby or a young infant, you needed to survive in the world and you were a hundred percent determined Dependent on your primary caregiver for your survival, whoever that was. So your priority was making sure that that relationship worked. This means that depending on how your primary caregiver acted around you, you will have adapted your behavior in order to stay attached to them.
[00:05:10] If you didn't adapt your behavior, you would not have remained attached to them, and that ultimately would have meant you would have died. So as a young baby, this would have been all about your own survival, despite you not knowing that as a young baby or a young infant. For some of you listening, you might not have had to change very much about your true authentic self in order to remain attached to that person, or you might not think that you had to change very much.
[00:05:33] That's not always true. Our memories are not always accurate representations of what actually happened, but that's another topic. Thank you For others of you, you may have had to compromise your authenticity, to compromise your true self, in order to maintain that attachment bond to a primary caregiver.
[00:05:48] So, let me give an example here. Let's say your primary caregiver shouted a lot when you were a young baby or an infant. Despite your young age, you would have learned that if you, for example, cried a lot, perhaps there [00:06:00] was going to be more shouting. Or perhaps, if you cried a lot, there was a complete withdrawal from anyone coming to care for you.
[00:06:06] Whatever happened would have impacted your ability to form a relationship or a bond with your caregiver. And this is where there can be a rupture of attachment. Perhaps you adapted to become more anxious. Perhaps you adapted by pushing people away, and shutting down, and not crying and thinking I don't need anyone.
[00:06:24] Whatever you did was there to ensure that your primary caregiver stayed present. You adapted your behavior to make sure that they always came back to you, and you do whatever it takes to make sure that they always came back to you. You see how this kind of adaptation works? So, in your early months and your early years, you would have set in place a style or a behavioral pattern that became a kind of blueprint for how your later adult relationships in business and in life functioned.
[00:06:51] And usually those early patterns remain stable over time, right into adulthood. Although, as I've already mentioned, that doesn't mean you can't change them. It just means that self awareness is really vital so you can spot the issues and you can then start to work on resolving them. And just to be really clear here, this attachment theory, as it's called, is very heavily supported in the psychology and academic world, so it's not like things like Myers Briggs, which are actually quite criticised in the, in the psychology scientific world.
[00:07:18] This attachment theory is not really disputed. It has its roots in the work of a psychologist called John Balby who developed the primary original theories of attachment around the 1970s and then it has been expanded on and developed by others since then and it holds out really, really well as a scientific theory.
[00:07:36] I tell you that because this is pretty solid science for those of you who are wondering about the origins and whether this is just another kind of thing that's out there, this is, this is a really solid one. Now you know what attachment theory is, I want to explain the attachment styles. And there are four main types, and these are known as number one, secure attachment, number two, anxious attachment, number three, avoidant attachment, [00:08:00] and number four, disorganized attachment, although that's kind of better known these days as fearful attachment.
[00:08:05] So, I'm going to go over each one, but if you want a really quick visual on these, I've put a lot of this information from this podcast in summary into a download over at suzybelmont. com forward slash podcast nine, so that those of you who really like to have a visual representation of this can print that out and you've got it there and you can really see clearly what is going on in the four different styles.
[00:08:26] And that's just a summary. It's not a big long document, just a summary for those of you who want it. So. Before I go through each one, I want to just take a moment to read out the review of the week, which this week comes from Julie Boas, that's the username, from Switzerland, who wrote a review on Apple Podcasts and she says, Definitely me time.
[00:08:45] Suzi, you have an incredible talent for expressing ideas, theories and suggestions in such an engaging and captivating way. I enjoy every second of the podcast. It's truly my me time and leaves me feeling inspired every time. Thank you, Julie, for your review. As I always say, it means so much to me when people just take a moment, it's only a couple of minutes, to leave one.
[00:09:06] So if you have been enjoying the podcast, please do leave a review over on Apple Podcasts or a comment over on Spotify. I personally see them all and I respond to them. Or you might get picked to be the person who is made a little bit more famous as I read out your review as the review of the week.
[00:09:22] Okay, back to the episode. I'm going through the four types of attachment. So we're going to start with secure attachment, which is the first type. And this is when a child was able to form a really secure bond to their primary caregiver, hence the name secure attachment. And this then manifests later in life by you, if this is you, having an ability to connect really well with other people and have really secure relationships with others.
[00:09:46] It also means that you tend to be quite happy to trust other people, and you will usually have a belief that you are worthy of being loved by others. You won't really call that into question. So you will typically feel safe, secure, valued, [00:10:00] understood and heard by other people that are around you and that are in relationships with you in your life, and you won't have too many issues around that.
[00:10:08] Having said that, there is a caveat here. If you are someone with secure attachment, but your partner does not have secure attachment or vice versa, that will inhibit your normal way of doing things. So if you are both securely attached, then obviously everything I've just said will apply to build a very strong foundation in your relationship.
[00:10:27] But if one of you isn't, then that will change things a little bit. And I'm going to be honest and say at the outset, to me, secure attachment is a kind of weird thing to think about because I just don't know many people, although I do know some who are very clearly securely attached individuals. I was definitely not one.
[00:10:44] So to me, I'm like, wow, what is that like? Like, that's how I kind of imagined it when I first learned about this. I'm not one, but I mentioned this because it's also, As I often say about self compassion here, about understanding yourself, but then not kind of falling into this place of, oh, no, I didn't get that.
[00:11:00] That means I can't succeed. I was not in any way a securely attached individual. I'm still not. And yet I still made millions in my business. So please remember that this information is about your ways of doing things. Not a diagnostic about your future and how well you're going to succeed or not succeed.
[00:11:17] This is about learning more about who you are and what went into making who you are. Once you have an idea of your pattern, your, your secure attachment pattern, you can then take steps to adjust it, which is where the real gold lies. That knowledge gives you power, because you have total control once you know who you are and how you came into being who you are.
[00:11:38] And I know for me, I didn't discover much of this psychological knowledge until much later in my business journey. And so I'm sharing this with you so you can discover and tap into this during your life and during your business journey. Whatever age you are, it doesn't matter as you're not aiming to live backwards.
[00:11:53] You're not aiming to travel backwards in time and do things and redo them in the past. You're aiming to take knowledge and then travel [00:12:00] forwards with that knowledge, with that self influence and with that ability to lead yourself because you've got this new knowledge. Okay, I'm going to get off my pedestal a little bit there because I just really wanted to emphasize that because I know some of you might be listening and thinking, oh no, I wasn't securely attached.
[00:12:14] That's not me at all. And as I've just said, that's not the main focus here. It's about knowledge and learning. Okay, we're going to go on to the next one, which is anxious attachment. And this second type of attachment style is characterised by a concern that other people will not reciprocate your desire for connection or intimacy, so you become quite anxious.
[00:12:32] Anxious attachment arises usually when a baby learns that their primary caregiver is unreliable. So perhaps as a young child or a baby you didn't consistently get the responses that you needed when you cried or whatever it was. And then as an adult, if you have an anxious attachment pattern, you might have a fear of rejection or a fear of abandonment by others.
[00:12:53] So, that manifests by you constantly seeking validation from someone else about everything that you do. You might worry excessively over whether you've upset someone, and as I will come to in a moment, this can impact how you sharpen your business or also in your beliefs around money. Okay, avoidant attachment, this is a third type, and this is characterised by a child who has learnt to avoid interacting with their caregiver.
[00:13:18] So a child in that situation will show little or no distress if the primary caregiver is not there. They've kind of become hyper independent. And typically this arises when the primary caregiver, for example, let's say it's the mum, has ignored attempts by the child to be intimate. or to connect with the primary caregiver in some way.
[00:13:36] So the child forms a belief that she or he can't depend on anyone else. It is a bit of a I can do it alone belief system or I don't need anyone else belief system because it was too difficult when that child, that young person, wanted to have someone else and they kind of got no response, no connection.
[00:13:54] So, as an adult, you might recognize this if you push others away, if you keep them at a distance, or you [00:14:00] avoid relationships getting too close. You might not trust others and avoid any kind of emotional based commitment. So this would be typically somebody who, you know, in your, let's say in your twenties, you would end relationships before someone could end them with you, for example, because you didn't want anything to get too close because of the underlying root fears that you're holding in your body around rejection and the strong emotions that come with that.
[00:14:22] Okay, the next and final type is disorganised or fearful attachment. And this final style came up a little later than the original three, because some infants just didn't fit the patterns for those original three that we've gone through, the secure, the anxious, and the avoidant types. So this fourth pattern was created around the 1980s, that sort of time, and is characterised by a fear of close relationships.
[00:14:45] The person with this attachment style will have some confusion and conflict about relationships and how they should behave, so they will use a bit of a mix of anxious and avoidant patterns to try and soothe their fears. In other words, a person with fearful attachment can be super anxious one minute and then pushing someone else away the next minute.
[00:15:03] Hence, it's sometimes also referred to as disorganised attachment. Okay, so hopefully now you've got a little bit of a summary of the four styles, so we can get on to how this is relevant to your business and your entrepreneurial journey. What does all of this mean? Well, it starts with relationships.
[00:15:19] Businesses need relationships, your business needs relationships, whether that is with your customers, your team, your clients, your contractors, your employees, or just the general public. There is almost no way you can do business and make money without interacting with people in some way. And of course, this will impact how you make money and your thoughts and beliefs around money too.
[00:15:40] So I'm going to explain that by going back through each of the four types and explaining how this looks in reality. So let's take secure attachment first. If you are a securely attached person, you will likely feel confident in yourself and in your relationships in business. You will likely easily trust others and not self doubt that trust and you don't find it [00:16:00] particularly difficult to balance your own sense of independence with having close connections with others.
[00:16:05] You're probably also quite likely to be happy both giving support to others and receiving support as well. Now, the concept of being comfortable with receiving support might make your ears pop up a little bit if you're an entrepreneur or a female leader. You see, as a stereotypical group, entrepreneurs in particular are not always the greatest at receiving support.
[00:16:25] This is, of course, not all down to attachment styles, but a lot of entrepreneurs have a bit of a belief that they can do it all themselves and they don't need other people or that it's too much hassle to deal with other people. And you've got to think about where that might be rooted. And whilst not all attachment related, sometimes it can be.
[00:16:42] Sometimes surrendering into this and trusting a team to do things can be really hard. And often the first response is reactionary, if something goes wrong. It's to blame the team if it's not working, and then to start micromanaging, or not delegating, or not trusting them, which is something that they will feel even if they don't vocalize it.
[00:17:00] In truth, it's usually more about understanding you first, as your team will be responding to you in so many ways, whether to your beliefs, whether to your actions, or just whether to your energetic frequency. And being able to address why you might be struggling with your thoughts around your team enables you to better understand yourself so you can move forward.
[00:17:18] Anyhow, that was a little bit of a detour as I wanted to mention that. So back to securely attached individuals. Securely attached entrepreneurs are more likely to find an ability to thrive in business by building strong trusting relationships with clients, partners and, for example, your team. You're also a little bit more likely to take risks without being paralysed by a fear of failure.
[00:17:38] And you will probably not have too many issues due to your high levels of self trust with staying consistent and resilient and so on. And of course, this is going to positively impact your income and the growth of your business. On top of that, when you have a setback, which we all do in business, if you're securely attached, you're typically more able to handle that and maintain a healthy work life balance.
[00:17:59] It [00:18:00] all kind of sounds marvellous, doesn't it, in a way that feels a little bit unrelatable, and I want to emphasise that I don't know many entrepreneurs like this. There are those that I suspect that are like this, and I'm sure you can think of some too. But it would be wrong of me not to tell you what that attachment style is like, because for some people it does exist.
[00:18:16] And remember that if you didn't have an idyllic childhood in any way, or if you recognize some of the other styles, you can always work towards a more securely attached way of being. So you are flexible, you've got a neuroplastic brain, you can change things in your brain and in your body. So I want to kind of make sure that I complete this description on secure attachment, so you kind of know what it can be like.
[00:18:37] On that note, I want to just touch upon money beliefs and securely attached individuals will trust themselves to manage their money and attract abundance so that they're less likely to have money blocks. And they will more easily set boundaries, charge appropriately and probably invest more in whether that's in things or in themselves.
[00:18:54] They are also more likely to find collaboration easy and absent any other issues will have healthy emotional regulation to help them navigate through the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. Ship. Alright, I'm going to stop there on secure attachment, because if you're a securely attached entrepreneur, you're probably not listening to this episode anyway.
[00:19:12] If you are not this person, then you just need to know that it can be like that. So know and take away from what I've just said that whatever your attachment style is, it's changeable, and it's something that you can absolutely address to get back to the original true you as you were born to be. And I want you to hear what I'm saying here and realize that if things haven't gone brilliantly in your life or your business, it's not fate.
[00:19:32] It's not. Your destiny for it not to work. It's not that you were not cut out to be successful. It's that you didn't have all the information that you needed about yourself to put all the pieces together. And this is what you're doing right now. By listening to this episode, you're gathering up more pieces of the puzzle.
[00:19:48] So let's get stuck in with the slightly more problematic attachment styles and see what they look like for you, your business, your money, and in entrepreneurship. Anxious attachments. So for the anxious ones out there, [00:20:00] this is probably actually making you a little bit anxious listening. If you have anxious attachment, you will probably feel quite a lot.
[00:20:07] So to recap, with anxious attachment, your blueprint means that at your very core, you fear abandonment. And so you might show up in business, Constantly seeking reassurance and approval from other people. And you will likely really need feedback from clients and customers and have to remind yourself to keep going when you don't get that feedback.
[00:20:27] And as you can imagine, that can be quite hard, especially if you don't know this is what's going on subconsciously. You might also have had a strong element of self doubt. So even when you're doing all of the things right and making money, you constantly doubt yourself unnecessarily. And that can lead to self sabotaging your business to Destroying things that didn't need destroying to burning things down because you've got this strong element of inner self doubt.
[00:20:50] You may also be really likely to worry about what other people think about you. So this might impact your visibility, how you show up with your visibility concerns being heightened. As you can see, this will have an impact on your business day to day, but as before, awareness is power. So what might this all start to look like?
[00:21:10] Well, if you are anxiously attached, you might be prone to overworking, which can then lead to burnout, because you're so anxious about things that you're overworking to try and make yourself feel better, but that doesn't work. I spoke about overworking and overachieving in episode one and two of the podcast, so if you're a bit of an overachiever, go back and have a listen to those if you haven't already.
[00:21:29] You might also undervalue your services, so you might underprice or over deliver out of fear of rejection. And then you might also have struggles with procrastination due to self doubt and self questioning. Now, this does not mean that you won't create any income at all in your business. It just means your income might feel a little bit more like a feast and famine ride, as your inner world and your inner emotional rollercoaster will affect your decision making and your confidence to trust yourself.
[00:21:56] Remember though, all of this is changeable, so if it sounds [00:22:00] like this is absolutely you, absolutely do not give up. Know that you can change anything you choose to. Even better, this is not even the true you. Remember what I said at the beginning? These patterns are adaptations that you learned in order to survive when you were an infant.
[00:22:15] So anything that you can learn, you can also unlearn. It's why I sometimes respond to the question that people ask me when they say, what do you do, Suzi? I quite often shorten it to say, I help female entrepreneurs unlearn beliefs and behaviors so they can get back to who they were truly born to be. And you can see why that kind of fits with what I'm doing.
[00:22:33] I help you unlearn behaviors. I don't help you fix yourself because there's nothing to fix. It's about getting back to the true you. In terms of your money beliefs, if you are anxiously attached, you might have beliefs like, I need to work harder. to deserve money. Or, you might believe that if you don't make enough, then you're failing, or you're not good enough.
[00:22:54] So you're constantly thinking, I need more, I need more. And your underlying money blocks might include this fear of rejection, so that might cause you to keep your prices low so no one rejects you. You might have a scarcity mindset, or you will likely have a scarcity mindset, which shows up as a constant fear that you will run out of money and that will lead you to overwork and to over deliver, to prove that you are worth money so that you don't have to face that worry that you might run out.
[00:23:18] You may also have a block, which means you seek almost constant approval of others to feel secure. Now, on the positive side there, when you do get the approval, or you do receive money, it will impact you way more than most other people, so it will really ignite your fire inside. Once you hit a place where you're getting lots of feedback, you will be unstoppable.
[00:23:39] The problem with this is it's not long lasting because it's an outside in approach. You're relying on people to give you the feedback in order to feel good rather than feeling good and continuing with what you're doing and then receiving feedback because of that. So the secret is to learn about how you work from the inside out so that you can really understand and change these patterns that come from this attachment [00:24:00] style.
[00:24:00] That's when you truly start to rocket ship to the next level of unstoppable. A couple of other things that tend to show up with anxious attachment. You may find that you really struggle to say no to unpaid work or you feel guilty about making large amounts of money, so you try and stop those things happening.
[00:24:17] Or your financial decisions may all be a little bit erratic as they reflect your anxiety in your patterns. So your decisions are really driven by this inner emotional drive rather than strategy or this inner emotional rollercoaster rather than This ultimately ends up with burnout because This is quite hard to exist and run your business like this when you're not addressing it and you're not sure what's going on.
[00:24:40] And again, I want to make this point because it's really important in case you're thinking, Oh no, this is me. This is exactly what I do. Well, this was me too. This is me at times. I have some really anxious attachment patterns in me and I likely always will, but that doesn't stop me completely. I've learned to understand them.
[00:24:56] I've learned to understand their triggers and what their core cause is so that I can compassionately handle them when they flare up because they tend to flare up when I'm more stressed. And then they try and hide the true me to protect me. It all starts with this awareness. Nothing in your business is permanent.
[00:25:10] Nothing in your life is permanent. So own this knowledge and understand that this is your past. It's not necessarily your future. You get to choose your future and you get to rewrite what was the original future plan anytime you choose to. You just change course, you jump onto a new timeline. Okay, let's go on to avoidant attachment.
[00:25:28] If you are dealing with avoidant attachment as an entrepreneur, you might notice that you really value independent, to the extent that you may suppress emotions and avoid any deep connections. You might struggle with vulnerability and asking for help at all. You just don't like asking for help. So for example, you might find that collaboration with others is really difficult for you.
[00:25:48] You might hesitate to delegate to your team and you might end up leading with inefficiency and ultimately stagnating a little bit. And you might sometimes come across as a little bit [00:26:00] distant or a little bit unapproachable to others, which can obviously impact your clients or your team members or your customers.
[00:26:06] A big thing with avoidant entrepreneurs is that you might really enjoy your business in bursts. So you have short term stability, but then your income growth can plateau because you resist embracing collaboration and support. So what does this look like when you think of your money beliefs if you're an avoidantly attached entrepreneur?
[00:26:23] Well, a typical belief for an avoidantly attached entrepreneur might be money equals independence and control. Or you might think relying on others, even for business growth is not how I work. And you might see that as a weakness, like relying on others is a weakness. And one of the biggest things here for avoidant entrepreneurs is struggling to market.
[00:26:41] Struggling with marketing and personal branding because you have a real resistance to vulnerability. Your business and financial growth can feel lonely or unsatisfying. As you might focus on your growth and your metrics. Constantly checking on your numbers rather than focusing on building genuine and trusting relationships and connections because that's really hard for you and obviously your income flows from those connections and those relationships, but you can't control that because you don't find that easy.
[00:27:07] Now, something important to mention here, you can be a little bit anxious. and a little bit avoidant at the same time. And this leads me on to the final attachment style of the fearful attachment or the disorganized attachment. If you have this attachment style, you will have this mix of both anxious and avoidant traits.
[00:27:23] So what does that look like? In this situation, you might really want connection with others, but at the same time, you might really, really fear it. And this leads to completely conflicting behaviors in your business. And this literally drains your energy. You might get stuck in patterns. that are about not trusting other people, or you might have periods of real instability that then cause you to feel drained.
[00:27:45] Typical things that might happen for you are experiencing cycles of intense productivity followed by complete withdrawal, which then, of course, creates income instability. To be clear here, I don't mean the kind of withdrawal when you're first starting your business, and [00:28:00] you're finding your way, where you're trying things out.
[00:28:02] You maybe try one social media platform, then you withdraw, go try another one, and you're switching and pausing, and you're very intentionally doing that. That's not the kind of withdrawal I'm meaning. I mean when your business is actually up and running and you have products to sell, you've got everything there that you need, so technically nothing should stop you from marketing, but you find that you do.
[00:28:20] You find that you have a real burst of it and you do loads and then you just completely stop. You just don't want to do any at all. You might also really fear success as this means you'll have to have relationships and trust people and you don't want to do that because your inner core is saying, I don't like these relationships and this connection, it's really difficult for me.
[00:28:37] So you kind of avoid too much success because The feelings that come with that are really hard. And this is really emotionally turbulating, I don't know if that's a word. It creates a lot of emotional turbulence, of this flip flop between styles, and that's obviously going to hinder your long term business stability and your business growth.
[00:28:53] In terms of money beliefs, if you're in this fearful attachment style, you might think things like, money is unpredictable. It can create both freedom, but it also can create stress. Or you might think, I'm not sure I trust myself to handle money, so you give away your power to other people. And this fearful avoidance style becomes a little bit self fulfilling as you experience this feast and famine cycle, alternating between overworking and then completely avoiding any work.
[00:29:18] You might also overprice or underprice your services as you're unsure of your own value because your value gets mixed up with these patterns. Very typically you might make very impulsive decisions and then find yourself massively overspending or massively then underspending in this swinging pendulum between the two levels, the two patterns.
[00:29:38] One of being really anxious and one of being really avoidant. So what can you do about all of this? If you're hearing yourself in some of these and you're thinking, I need to know a little bit more about this, I need to understand this a bit more. Obviously, as I've said throughout this episode, the main initial step is awareness.
[00:29:53] And there is work that you can do, quite deep work. I work on this stuff quite a lot with my clients. There's some really good work that [00:30:00] you can do here to change this, but that's more than a podcast episode. What I do want to give you today is a focus for each of these three more tricky styles. So I'm not going to focus on secure attachment because there aren't too many problems that are going on there.
[00:30:12] That's more like the holy grail. For the other three though, I just want to give you a couple of really quick takeaways just to end the show. So for anxious attachment, it's really important to do the following things. Practice self validation. Really validate yourself. That means affirming what you're doing.
[00:30:27] Recognizing, I'm doing a really good job here. I'm actually okay. I'm moving forward here. I'm taking steps. I don't need to be perfect. Validate yourself. Second, adopt an abundance mindset. This is really important. Instead of focusing on lack the whole time, which is part of where your anxiety is going, allow yourself to just notice the small things that make you feel abundant and grateful.
[00:30:48] Another thing you can do is focus on setting really clear pricing boundaries. Now that you know you're going to have issues around pricing, set the boundaries and then try and stick to them. Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to other people's approval. You don't need to be anxiously seeking their approval.
[00:31:04] You just have to learn to set your prices and stick to it. And if somebody says no, that's because they're not for you. It was never going to work out. Focus on what you're able to do and the prices that you want to charge and then stick to it and deliver and really deliver on it. The next one for avoidant attachment.
[00:31:20] Some of the things that you can focus on would be number one, learning to delegate, really learning and taking some practice to do this, to delegate to others and start to trust others in your business. You also might want to focus on connecting money with people. purpose and meaning, not connecting it with the independence, which is where you've likely got it in the moment.
[00:31:41] And I think that's really a big point there. Like so many avoidantly attached entrepreneurs will connect money with this sense of freedom and independence and like, Oh, I've got this freedom if I've got money. But for an avoidantly attached entrepreneur, that independence is something that's actually holding them back.
[00:31:56] That belief in the independence. It's more about trying to have connection. And so the [00:32:00] halfway house is to start looking at what's your purpose, what's your meaning and linking the money to that. And then finally, for the fearful people, for the fearfully attached, the disorganized detachment people, your big goal is working on self trust and emotional regulation.
[00:32:14] You will need to develop consistent financial habits to reduce this roller coaster or this pendulum that means that you swing between anxious and then avoidant. So it's really about having consistency in your habits in what you're doing in your business and then learning to stick with that and that sometimes means simplifying your business.
[00:32:31] So that you can just focus on not feeling too anxious and not feeling too avoidant. It's a lot to take in and it's how you address all these things that I cover in my coaching and my programs. So if this is something that's really resonated with you this week, make sure you are on the mailing list to find out about future programs or have a look on the website for things that you can be on waitlist for now or sign up for depending on when you're listening to this podcast.
[00:32:52] And if you have found this podcast or any of them so far helpful, please do take a screenshot of you listening to the episode and post it on the stories on Instagram or Facebook and tag me in there. You can find me at Suzi Belmont or I am Suzi Belmont. You can also find me on LinkedIn and places like that.
[00:33:07] So just whatever is your platform, just Give me a little shout out there if you're, if you're enjoying it. And as always, I was mentioned, if you can post a review on Apple podcasts, I would really like that. I recently found a couple there that I didn't know existed because of the way that Apple does things according to countries.
[00:33:21] So if you do do a review, please feel free to let me know by tagging me or DMing me in some way. And I will put the link to whether you can do a review in the show notes under this podcast or on the podcast page on my website for this episode. Finally, remember, you matter, and only you can change your future.
[00:33:38] And it all starts with awareness. After that, it all moves into a place of choice. It is all your choice. Have a good week, everyone. I'll see you next week.

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Find out how to navigate your way through feeling stuck so you have a method to re-ignite yourself. Episode to 7 of the Inside Out Entrepreneur® Podcast here.
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How your attachment style impacts your business and your money

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